Say that forever is more than just a word

I became a part of your past on the day that I met you
as we first spoke and as words spilled out,
The present was elapsing and even now as I stare out into the audience
Trying to place your face,
knowing that you're not here,
the past is pulling me.
Looking back, yes , looking back.
It's something I've been doing a lot.
They say I shouldn't
But they are always telling us what to do
And what's it to them anyway ?
When I feel as though you've taken a slug hammer and battered my heart
They don't feel it.
And when I kiss those lips that my soul rocketing into the clouds,
They don't feel that either.
In all the time I've spent with you,
we have shared experiences that can't quite compare to landing on the moon.
But the moon has nothing on feeling you breathing against me while we sleep.
Everyone equates sex with intimacy, but for most of us out there who have had our fair share of experiences
that isn't always true.
Imtimacy to me was the feel of your hand slipping underneath my back as you lay me down,
trailing kisses on my skin.
Like most of us in love, I thought this was somehting I'd always had
Because on a scale on one to overtrusting, I was hopelessly naieve.
Eventually you were a voice I heard on the phone,
A face I saw on the screen,
Words that flashed before me.
But words can't bridge the divide, they don't feel like a body.
I can't hold them against me, I can't lie on their chest hoping to find comfort after a long day.
So instead holding your hand I tell you about the story I had to cover, another LGBT person killed.
And instead of holding my back you tell me about your car trouble and having to take the bus home
And instead of forever finding us, forever will find
you and me.
Because, I waited.
I waited.
I spent my life waiting-
On you.
Waiting, On you ;
To change, waiting ,
On you to become someone I could love again.
I waited, clinging to some unrealistic hope,
Something so surreal :
I waited
For you to come back.
Not return, I didn't wait on your return.
I waited, for you to come back.
The seconds crawled as I waited,
Slow motion-
Counting the grains of sand in the hour glass.
Yet still I waited.
Infrequent calls.
Charades parading at my door.
Ignored them and waited.
As I waited , I remembered :
A promise of forever.
Our forever dwindled my love,
It was slipping by as I waited.
New faces in your life,
Meaningless you called them,
I watched them come and go ,
All fading away as I waited.
My forever fading with them.
And then, so did you.
While I waited, you faded my love.
Your forever was over,
Mine continued as I waited.
I waited for forever to be over.
For you,
Somehow , I was still waiting for you,
For you to come back.
Not return, I didn't wait on your return.
I waited, for you to come back.
As I waited , I remembered :
I told you once,
Someday I’ll lose you. One day a girl will come along, she will tug at your heart strings and infest your thoughts.
This is an absolute. At such a tender age I know of few absolutes. I know that you are my only one and that she will come for you.
I say this not out of insecurity, not out of the fear of infidelity or unworthiness.
I say it because I know it. She will find me, take her hand and plunge into the deep recesses of my soul and take the key to your heart.
She will not steal it, it is only theft when it is not given. And I want to always give you happiness.
One day the anarchy will cease and you will find your peace in her arms as mine grow cold in the absence of love.
One day I will find it difficult to believe that I believed in you as an absolute.
One day I will collapse into a pool of misery as I shed the layers of skin that you touched, as tears spill in my feeble attempt to wash you from me.
For days I will type small words in hopes of making you love me again. Then one day it will stop. It will end. But there will still be a girl who writes you.
She doesn't know how not to.